On the occasion of Children’s Day,as I look around I wonder what are skills that children need to be equipped with. There are 2 skills that can help children in self preservation and also help them form healthy relationships. These skills would be learning to be compassionate,sensitive to the needs of others and secondly learning to be assertive. Developing a sense of concern for others can go a long way
in forming emotional bonds. At the same time,it may be crucial to stand up for one’s own rights without being aggressive. Assertiveness and Compassion are some of the most effective ways to combat violence. Teach your children to care for themselves as well as others!
Self-inflation harms kids’ relationships at school – PsyPost
Interesting perspective about how praise needs to be understood and its impact.
Religion of the unfaithful
One of the most well researched story and quite some shocking revelations out there! Must read. Well written by Gayatri Jayaraman http://m.indiatoday.in/story/religion-of-the-unfaithful-adultery-divorce-marriage-relationship/1/399472.html
Raising a socially conscious child
So my daughter saw an Idea commercial and felt that it was prejudiced in it’s outlook towards women. So here is my story about how my 5 year old daughter learnt to be socially conscious.Sometimes I feel my social service genes and attitude has rubbed off.Any opinions?
http://www.yowoto.com/posts/i-raised-a-daughter-who-is-socially-conscious-at-the-age-of-5
Therapy Tales
Sometimes I feel there are so many stories of pain, struggle, hope and resilience buried deep within me.These are tales, that clients have trusted me with and they are sacred.I’m sure clients wonder,what do I do with them.They continue to live a silent life within me and no one has access to them.I remember,when I was in college,a friend of me would tell me how I love listening to stories.Somehow in psychotherapy, I do that.When people ask me, what do I do,I say, I listen.I create a facilitative environment where people can share and be themselves. It’s a privelege to be trusted.Sometimes,when clients walk in the room, with their pain,all I can see is the strong will power to recover and hope.I see courage that each client brings in,every time, they choose to share their deepest buried secret.I owe gratitude to them and that’s why I let the story lie deep within the recesses of my mind and soul.
Are Indian Television Shows promoting suicide
Today when my daughter was playing in the garden and I was watching over her, I suddenly heard a boy of about 6 or 7 years scream out loudly to call his mother. After the boy called couple of times and his mother didn’t pay attention to him, he shouted loudly and said “If you don’t come right now Mom, I would kill myself”. ( conversation was in Hindi).
I couldn’t believe what I heard. I approached the mother, who by now was standing with her young boy and scolding him. I asked the mother about where he had heard this and the mother said she had no clue. When I asked the young boy,he mentioned how on a reality show, he had heard a participant say this line.
Just yesterday twice on Indian sitcom, I heard the characters,speak about self-harm and the desire to end their lives. These serials run anytime between 7 to 9 pm – primetime slots where children are likely to watch television. I consciously monitor TV timings for my daughter, but I have come to realise that I can’t have complete TV control.
At a time, where suicide rates are increasing among children and young people, are we glorifying death? Is it right to promote suicide on television and portray it as the only alternative when we find life meaningless? I don’t remember hearing or knowing about suicide till I was in my teens. English shows are censored beyond recognition in India, but does the Indian Censor Board set the same standard on Hindi channels? It is our responsibility to create resilience in children set examples by using characters who have a will and desire to bounce back. As a psychologist and a parent, I monitor and limit TV hour to just children’s cartoons, but I can’t control everything that’s been played on television.
In Indian settings, many people have 1 television and all family members watch the same serial. The very thought that television is introducing the term suicide and portraying it is heart wrenching. I know I can’t control what my daughter sees on television, but I can at least choose how she sees it and what meaning she makes of it, by talking and listening to her.
Research shows how suicides result from ‘CopyCat ‘ Phenomenon.Therefore it is in the interest of children and adults that suicide is not glorified
In the company of books
There are moments,when I feel lost and what comes to my rescue is an idea,lines from a book and then the strength to move on.Some of us turn inward when faced with a crisis,or a depressing moment and then there are others who turn outwards to people,engaging with the community.Sometimes it is important to remember that Kafka,Rilke,Camus and Yalom have all the answers.I remember as child I used to be immersed in books and continued to seek solace in their company.Strangely,these books have moved in to my therapy sessions and some clients need an idea,that cognitively resonates with them and then emotionally liberates them.For some of us, a writer is more magical than a therapist,it transports us to the hidden terrains within our own self,that sometimes are layered with so much conditioning.
Taming the Mind
Somewhere deep in the corner of all our hearts lies sadness. A little criticism,a life event, sense of rejection and sometimes the lack of inherent meaning of life triggers it all. Then all of a sudden,sadness chooses to reside in us,slowly becoming the permanent resident in our body.So where do we draw the line? Can we choose or learned helplessness it is? What you do with your sadness is a personal choice. I drown my sadness in writing and some drown it in running , exercising.The trick is to find healthy adaptive ways to be mindful of the sadness and yet allow it to pass by engaging with life.Sometimes choose to substitute sadness with pleasant memories and remind ourselves gently how resilient we are. Remember that sadness distorts us and our self esteem.I’m reminded of a song by Coke Studio,Madari Madari, we need not supress the emotions, but we can train the mind to happiness.The key to training our mind,lies within.
Friendships
Some conversations fill our heart with happiness. Strange as it may sound,there was a time couple of years back when I realized all my closest friends have moved out of the city or moved abroad. But what remains constant is our ability to connect with each other,no matter when we speak. We pick the phone and start from where we left.The boundaries of distance, time barely matter.May be with age, the perspective on friendship has changed. Now I feel the need to be around people who are kind, compassionate and warm.So the need for mere intellectual connections or people who validate myself is less.In these friendships, I find genuineness,deep sense of connection and most importantly realizing how our conversations flow. So whether we discuss Pink Floyd, Psychology, Children,or Life we deeply understand..and even the long the long silences which linger between two phone calls disappear in that moment.
World Mental Health Day
I started working as a therapist about 10 years back,not sure if the world even needs therapists.Now on the World Mental Health day I feel that all of us need to pause,look within and introspect about where we are heading. There are mental disorders and then there are lifestyle issues such as Digital addiction,Burnout, lack of resilience, the illusion of the social networking. Stop and ask yourself, if you have nurtured your mind and soul in a while, if not do it now. Life can wait.
Therapy Sherapy 